These little reminders can be incredibly disorienting — why do these dead relationships linger?If communication is cut off everywhere else, why swirl around in your digital sphere?This dilemma recently became a topic of conversation in my coaching practice, where helping people improve their emotional intelligence is a common goal throughout the work that I do. Does their taste in fashion/music/politics demonstrate that I’m a more tasteful/intelligent person? Our self-esteem may start to wane the more we compare ourselves to them. D., explores online post-breakup fixations in her research article Facebook Surveillance of Former Romantic Partners: Associations with Post Breakup Recovery and Personal Growth.Victoria, a bright and accomplished 24 year-old woman shared with me that constantly checking her boyfriend’s social media activity and online communication with his ex is taking a hard toll on her mood and relationship functioning. It’s too easy to then check out our partner’s ex-boyfriend/girlfriend’s Twitter/Instagram/Facebook, etc (because dammit they have a public profile just begging to be explored). We end up heading into an tailspin trying to interpret their ‘Vaguebooking‘ habit on Facebook. If trust hasn’t been well established in our relationship, we might become irrationally suspicious by mistrusting and/or questioning our partner for no substantial reason. Results based on the responses of 464 participants revealed that one-half to two-thirds of people have made contact with an ex-romantic partner through Facebook, and that over half admit to having looked through an ex’s photos to find pictures of them with a new romantic partner.
Most of us have caught ourselves clicking through someone’s social media activity because we have reason to be naturally curious about them- maybe the person is someone we want to meet, or just started dating and want to know more about them.Thoroughly spooked, I asked my friend, "What does he want, what does this mean!?? The only clear thing was that I was being haunted by a dude whose number I'd never even saved to my phone.The ghost was caught in my Instagram attic and I had no clue how to set him free.What can you expect from this blog: honest opinions (not for the easily offended), real input and stories from Chicago daters (myself included), ranging from hilariously awful dating experiences to the rare “success” stories, dating ideas "un-budgeted" and budgeted (no judgments against three different dates a week but your wallet may feel differently), and neighborhood/generational differences when it comes to dating.If I’m not able to get a better hold on the psychology behind dating in Chicago, then at least I’ll have some pretty great stories stories to share.